When someone insults you, how should you respond?

 

When someone insults you, how should you respond?

If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of an insult, you know how difficult it can be to respond appropriately. Not only does the other person have the advantage of having started the conversation, but also you may not know what to say. On top of that, anything you do say could fall into one of two categories: something that starts an argument or something that just accepts the insult and makes things worse in the long run. So what’s a victim of verbal abuse supposed to do? Should they simply take insults and walk away? If so, how will they protect themselves in the future?

Staying cool

It’s easy to react to criticism with anger. Who wants to be insulted and belittled? But responding with a cool head is almost always a good idea. If you let your emotions get carried away, no one will want to work with you in any capacity. To do so requires being mindful of your body language and tone of voice—you don’t want it seem like you’re lashing out at anyone or anything. Listen carefully and make sure to address what people are actually saying without making them feel bad for pointing out mistakes or shortcomings. Respond thoughtfully by proposing solutions and showing that they have an important place in your process moving forward.

Use your response as an opportunity to help others

Most of us react emotionally to hurtful comments. For many people, that means lashing out in anger or walking away in frustration. But sometimes (and I would argue often), it's possible to turn a negative interaction into a positive one. If you're tempted to lash out at someone who insults you or if your first instinct is to run away when confronted with meanness, pause and consider how those actions might make others feel. Chances are they won't feel very good about themselves and they'll likely regret their comment; chances are they want an apology so badly that they'll forgive even a vitriolic reply as long as you've come around eventually. Remember: You're better than your lowest emotions.

Use your response as an opportunity to help yourself

When people are insulting you, especially when they’re doing it over and over again, your initial reaction is to hold back a little. But in reality, you can use that situation as an opportunity to help yourself learn to deal with criticism. When somebody makes fun of your idea or tells you that they don’t believe in your talent, use it as a chance to grow and understand that everyone who hears what you have to say won’t necessarily agree with or like it. In other words: don’t take it personally. Responding calmly helps keep them calm and shows them that their negativity isn’t going to get under your skin.

Use your response as an opportunity to shine a light on a problem

Most of us have been confronted with an insult at some point in our lives. Sometimes they’re direct, sometimes they’re hidden or delivered by proxy. Maybe it was a colleague who didn’t like your idea or a family member who made a backhanded comment about something that really mattered to you. Either way, when an insult is lobbed your way, it can be hard not to take things personally and feel hurt. That’s exactly what someone wants if they want to get a rise out of you – so resist! Be aware that there are two things happening here: First, we all crave empathy from others – and insulting people is one way we get it.

What happens if you ignore it instead?

While people might not expect a response when they insult you, letting a verbal attack go unchallenged can be harmful in several ways. For one thing, it sends a subtle message that your personal boundaries don’t matter (and may invite further attacks). Secondly, ignoring abuse doesn’t actually make it stop. In fact, research shows that people who are constantly disrespected are more likely to have depression and anxiety—so if your goal is mental health and peace of mind, don’t just let it slide. Finally: anger is an emotion with a purpose; not expressing it is basically like tying up your feelings in a bag and setting them on fire (also known as burning toxic garbage). That being said...

Learn from it

The next time someone insults you or acts aggressively toward you, it might be tempting to react impulsively and strike back with something just as insulting. Don’t do it. Instead of responding in kind (which could make a tense situation even worse), calmly assess what’s being said and think about why they chose to speak to you that way. Perhaps they are having a bad day or they had a really frustrating interaction with another person earlier. In these cases, try not to take their comments personally; instead of reacting angrily, think about ways that you can help them feel better.